Click for Ocean Alexander Click for Walker Click for Westport Click for JetForums Click for Abeking

Boat Jokes...

Discussion in 'Popular Yacht Topics' started by YachtForums, Jan 12, 2004.

  1. JWY

    JWY Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2004
    Messages:
    1,378
    Location:
    Ft. Lauderdale
    It's been over a year since this thread has created chuckles, so here goes:

    Q: Why are seagulls called seagulls?
    A: Because they fly over the sea. If they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.

    :D
  2. Capt Ralph

    Capt Ralph Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    9,706
    Location:
    Satsuma, FL
    E0F03CE6-8FE4-4623-B967-976F0FDEEA3B.jpg
  3. Fishtigua

    Fishtigua Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,847
    Location:
    Guernsey/Antigua
    After all the toilet paper has been hoarded, I've been reduced to using a Lettuce leaf in an emergency.

    I feel this is just the tip of the Iceberg.
  4. Fishtigua

    Fishtigua Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,847
    Location:
    Guernsey/Antigua
    A friend on a German yacht tells me everyone is panic buying sausages and cheese.
    They’re looking at a Wurst Käse scenario.
  5. Capt Ralph

    Capt Ralph Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    9,706
    Location:
    Satsuma, FL
    tv.jpg
  6. Norseman

    Norseman Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2005
    Messages:
    2,584
    Location:
    Ft. Lauderdale
    E4836C18-04E7-4473-B41D-C1AD06E8B4D1.jpeg
  7. Jorge Lang

    Jorge Lang Senior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2003
    Messages:
    288
    Location:
    Fort Lauderdale
    There's a new movie being released on HULU, it's called Constipation.

    It's not out yet.
  8. Jorge Lang

    Jorge Lang Senior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2003
    Messages:
    288
    Location:
    Fort Lauderdale
    Now you got me going.
    lettuce.jpg
  9. Kevin

    Kevin YF Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2004
    Messages:
    2,810
    Location:
    Montreal, Qc, Canada
    Did you hear about the yacht builder that had to work from home?

    His sails went through the roof.
    YachtForums likes this.
  10. Capt Ralph

    Capt Ralph Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    9,706
    Location:
    Satsuma, FL
    I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the Spar grocery store that opened at 8 for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
    He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
    As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If you old farts don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."
  11. Norseman

    Norseman Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2005
    Messages:
    2,584
    Location:
    Ft. Lauderdale
    A Greek and an Irishman...


    A Greek and an Irishman were sitting at Starbucks comparing their two cultures.

    Over a latte, the Greek said, "We built the Parthenon and the Temple of Apollo."

    "Well, it was we Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices."

    "But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."

    "Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces."

    "Well it was the Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity."

    "Yeah, but it was the Irish who got women involved."
    Kevin likes this.
  12. Boatbuilder

    Boatbuilder New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2011
    Messages:
    29
    Location:
    Anacortes WA
    Dr. Fauci, the Pope, Hilary Clinton, Donald Trump, and a 10 year old girl were the only passengers on a plane. The captain announces the plane is going down, and they must parachute out.
    Now there are only 4 parachutes for the 5 passengers. Dr. Fauci says “I must jump, I need to find a cure for Covid-19”, and out he goes.
    The Pope says “I must be there to comfort the people in this crisis”, and out he goes.
    Hilary Clinton says “I’m the smartest woman in the world”, and away she jumps.
    Donald Trump looks at the 10 year old girl and says “I’m 76 years old, you have your whole life ahead of you...you take the last one”
    The 10 year old girl says, “No we still have 2 parachutes, Hilary Clinton took my backpack”
  13. Fishtigua

    Fishtigua Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,847
    Location:
    Guernsey/Antigua
    Managed to get a mask from an old sea dog.

    [​IMG]
  14. YachtForums

    YachtForums Administrator

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2002
    Messages:
    19,904
    Location:
    South Florida
    A husband and wife are having dinner at an extremely fancy restaurant in the city. Lobster tails, pate, champagne etc.

    Right before the dessert course, this gorgeous young woman comes over to the couple’s table. She waltzes up and kisses the husband smack on the lips! She’s like, “I’ll see you later, tiger.” And she sashays away.

    The wife freaks out, of course. “Who the hell was that?” she asks.

    “That’s my mistress,” says the husband.

    “That’s it,” says the wife. “I’m done. Enough of this sham — I want a divorce!”

    The husband chews his steak. A divorce would be very costly and disruptive. He takes a swig of wine.

    “I can understand your desire to leave me,” he replies. “But consider: if we get a divorce, say goodbye to the country club. There will be no more skiing trips to the Aspen. No more Bentley, no more Jaguar, Yacht club, gone. Summers in Tuscany, gone. Your little side trips to Paris will end. But the decision is yours.”

    At that moment, the couple’s mutual friend Larry enters the restaurant with a sexy young thing on his arm.

    “Who’s that woman with Larry?” asks the wife.

    “That’s his mistress,” says her husband.

    The wife takes a bite of salad and says, “Well, our mistress is much prettier than Larry's."

    ***
  15. YachtForums

    YachtForums Administrator

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2002
    Messages:
    19,904
    Location:
    South Florida
    To shoot or not to shoot, that is the question...

    A man returns home a day early from a business trip.

    It's after midnight. While en-route home,
    he asks the cabby if he would be a witness,
    because the man suspects his wife is having an affair,
    and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

    Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom.
    The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there
    is his wife, naked as a jay bird, with a man, totally nude also.
    The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head

    The wife shouts, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money."
    • HE paid for the Porsche I gave you.
    • HE paid for your new 25 ft. Ranger Fishing Boat.
    • HE paid for your Football season tickets.
    • HE paid for our house at the lake.
    • HE paid for your Golf Trip to St Andrews and your new 4 x 4.
    • HE paid for our country club membership and he even pays the monthly dues.
    • And because of HIM, I can put an extra $2,000 in our checking
    account each month.

    Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.
    He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do'?

    The cabby replies, "I'd cover him with that blanket, before he catches a cold."
  16. Boatbuilder

    Boatbuilder New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2011
    Messages:
    29
    Location:
    Anacortes WA
    The wife and I decided to splurge and go out to a fancy restaurant. After we were seated, for some reason the waiter took my order first.

    “I think I will have the filet, medium rare” I said.

    The waiter replied, “Aren’t you worried about the Mad Cow?”

    “No, she can order anything she wants”

    ...and that’s when the fight started.
  17. YachtForums

    YachtForums Administrator

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2002
    Messages:
    19,904
    Location:
    South Florida
    A new weather map has been issued by the NOAA...

    Attached Files:

  18. Fishtigua

    Fishtigua Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,847
    Location:
    Guernsey/Antigua
    Dag, I can name a few.
    [​IMG]
  19. Norseman

    Norseman Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2005
    Messages:
    2,584
    Location:
    Ft. Lauderdale
    E108258E-E0D7-454E-ACBB-31EB47E9E24B.jpeg
    Kevin likes this.
  20. Rodger

    Rodger Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2005
    Messages:
    754
    Location:
    St.Catharines
    Apparently the brakes are working good on the truck. Truck.PNG