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Boat Jokes...

Discussion in 'Popular Yacht Topics' started by YachtForums, Jan 12, 2004.

  1. Fishtigua

    Fishtigua Senior Member

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    The Skipper has just taken on a new East European stewardess. She has taken over 15 hours just to clean the saloon carpet.

    Apparently she's a Slovak.
  2. NYCAP123

    NYCAP123 Senior Member

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    Busted

    A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing.. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend....

    And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic ?

    We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up..

    Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas..”

    The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife,

    She does exactly what her husband asked.

    Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

    He says, “Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike.”

    He said “but why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?”

    You'll love the answer.


    "I did, theyr'e in your tackle box"
  3. bigboatbill

    bigboatbill Senior Member

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    Thats a good one! Here's one told by Charlie McKoy during a concert he gave last week in Florida:

    A Lawyer and a Farmer were seated next to each other on an airplane.

    The narcissistic, know-it-all lawyer looked contemptuously at the farmer dressed in overalls and decided to flex his mental muscles by challenging the farmer to a contest of wits.

    "Say Old Timer", said the lawyer, "Ask me any question you like, and if I cant answer it I will give you $500. Then I will ask you any question I like and if you cannot answer you will only owe me $5".

    The smug lawyer was sure he would be able to belittle this "rube" while flexing his own mental muscles and make a few bucks to boot.

    "Just to be fair you go first" said the lawyer.

    The old farmer thought for a few seconds and said, "OK; What goes up the hill with 4 eyes, 6 ears and one leg?"

    The lawyer was dumbstruck. He wrestled with the question for quite some time before he had no choice but to admit defeat.

    Irritated, the lawyer handed the farmer $500 and said, "You got me old man; What goes up the hill with 4 eyes, 6 ears and one leg?"

    "I don't know" said the farmer, and handed the lawyer $5.
  4. Fishtigua

    Fishtigua Senior Member

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    The Skipper's wife has left him because of his pasta obsession .

    He's feeling Cannelloni now.
  5. Kafue

    Kafue Senior Member

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  6. Monzie

    Monzie New Member

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    Australia
    The difference between "complete" and "finished"
    When you marry the right women you are "complete"
    When you marry the wrong women you are "finished"
    and when the right one catches you with the wrong one you are "completely finished"

    Peter
  7. Fishtigua

    Fishtigua Senior Member

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    Just a little word of warning.

    Attached Files:

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  8. Capt Ralph

    Capt Ralph Senior Member

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    "Old Farts"

    I never really liked the terminology "Old Farts" but this makes me feel better about it.
    And if you ain't one, I bet ya you know one!
    I got this from an "Old Fart" friend of mine!

    OLD FART PRIDE
    I'm passing this on as I did not want to be the only old fart receiving it. Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see.
    Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the National Anthem. Old Farts remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.
    Old Farts remember World War II, Pearl Harbour , Guadalcanal , Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam .
    If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are courtly to women.
    Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
    Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.
    Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren.
    It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.

    This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.

    We need them now more than ever.

    Thank God for Old Farts!

    I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them.
  9. 84far

    84far Senior Member

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    Only In Australia

    I've done some miles on water - but this is a first - Apparently Kangaroos now have there rights on water too :D

    Far

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  10. K1W1

    K1W1 Senior Member

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    I would hazard a guess that a local tour boat operator stuck that in to give their guests a "special" photo
  11. thanes1

    thanes1 New Member

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    Okay so two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea. "What's this?" asked the skipper, "It looks as if someone is drowning!" "No," explained his captain, "It's just a little wave."

    Cheesy, I know, but it always gives me a chuckle!
  12. Spike62

    Spike62 New Member

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    I just heard about an assassin from the Old Country that used guns loaded with spaghetti or linguini.
    But I guess he was just a pastachuta...
  13. Spike62

    Spike62 New Member

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    Only if you're mildly Italian do you get THAT one...
  14. ScotL

    ScotL Senior Member

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    Keeping the crew in line:

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  15. MaxPower

    MaxPower Senior Member

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    At Sea ... Aahhh ...
    folks, this is not nautical in nature ... but is so awesome that I just had to share ...

    :)

    Check this out !!!

    Up until the very last minute, you cannot tell what he is painting ...

    Really, really amazing !!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8HrTZaAvwY
    Norseman likes this.
  16. NEO56

    NEO56 Member

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    A young business executive goes to Japan to close a huge business deal that he had orchestrated, which would be the largest deal his company had ever gotten...they were to do business, and close the deal on the Golf course the next day. So having several hours prior to the round of Golf, he visited the Red light district, having too many drinks prior to calling it a night. During the throw's of passion the girl cried out "Soung Wah! Soung Wah!" He interpreted this to mean "That's good!"

    So the following day, when the Chairman and CEO sunk a 15 foot putt, the young executive thought it was time to impress to further close the deal, and exclaimed "Soung Wah!!". The CEO looked up and said "What do you mean "wrong hole?".
  17. NEO56

    NEO56 Member

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  18. Kevin

    Kevin YF Moderator

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    Things you'll never hear a sailor say:

    - Hey, go up on the bow and do "King of the World"! That never gets old.

    - Let that galley faucet run as long as you want.

    - The more teak, the better.

    - Ok, we've all had enough. Time to put the rum away.

    - Your bikini is too revealing.

    - God, I love this boat!
  19. brian eiland

    brian eiland Senior Member

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    iCLOUD

    funny :D
    iCloud, funny.jpg