Click for Northern Lights Click for Furuno Click for Mag Bay Click for Delta Click for Nordhavn

Ordering a pizza in 2022...

Discussion in 'YachtForums Yacht Club' started by YachtForums, Feb 15, 2021.

  1. YachtForums

    YachtForums Administrator

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2002
    Messages:
    20,350
    Location:
    South Florida
    This true story is coming soon...

    CALLER:

    Is this Pizza Hut?

    GOOGLE:
    No sir, it's Google Pizza.

    CALLER:
    I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.

    GOOGLE:
    No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

    CALLER:
    OK. I would like to order a pizza.

    GOOGLE:
    Do you want your usual, sir?

    CALLER:
    My usual? You know me?

    GOOGLE:
    According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

    CALLER:
    Super! That's what I'll have.

    GOOGLE:
    May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

    CALLER:
    What? I don't want a vegetarian pizza!

    GOOGLE:
    Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

    CALLER:
    How the hell do you know that?

    GOOGLE:
    Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

    CALLER:

    Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

    GOOGLE:
    Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

    CALLER:
    I bought more from another Pharmacy.

    GOOGLE:
    That doesn't show on your credit card statement.

    CALLER:
    I paid in cash.

    GOOGLE:
    But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

    CALLER:
    I have other sources of cash.

    GOOGLE:
    That doesn't show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

    CALLER:
    WHAT THE HELL!

    GOOGLE:
    I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

    CALLER:
    Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

    GOOGLE:
    I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...

    Welcome to the future.
  2. Pascal

    Pascal Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 29, 2008
    Messages:
    8,097
    Location:
    Miami, FL
    Add to this...

    google: sir after you renew your passport, pick an island with limited sun exposure

    caller: why would I do that.

    google: the DNA sample you provided to checkmyancestry dot com shows you are at risk of contracting skin cancer.
  3. Capt Cole

    Capt Cole Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2017
    Messages:
    112
    Location:
    Pittsburg CA
    google: May we suggest St. Thomas. According to your "23andme" profile, you have a half brother living there. Sorry, did you even know you had a half brother?
  4. AnotherKen

    AnotherKen Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2018
    Messages:
    83
    Location:
    Canada
    2 cups of all-purpose flour and 1/2 cup of durum semolina flour
    1 tsp of instant yeast, or one package
    1/2 tsp of salt
    1 cup of warm water (not hot)

    preheat oven to 425 F degrees, with rack at middle

    Mix those ingredients and knead the dough until its a little elastic (roughly 8min). Rest it for 1/2 hour in a fridge in a oiled bowl and covered (if you are strong you can skip this step). Roll the dough into a pizza crust and put on a 9" pizza pan. Brush the crust with Extra Virgin Olive Oil, then brush it with Marina Tomato Sauce, then put on your favorite toppings. Bake for 20 minutes. If you don't want to burn your mouth, let it cool down for 10 minutes before cutting it.

    At this time you have a pizza with out nonsense.
  5. mapism

    mapism Senior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2008
    Messages:
    2,109
    Location:
    Sardinia
    Anyone ordering such junk doesn't have the faintest clue about how a proper pizza looks like.
    I would have told that his cholesterol is too high without needing any access to his medical records! :D
  6. Fishtigua

    Fishtigua Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,937
    Location:
    Guernsey/Antigua
    I've not once ordered a Pizza as a take-out, sounds vile. Needs to be eaten in minutes.
  7. NYCAP123

    NYCAP123 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2008
    Messages:
    11,205
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    Boboli at home these days. But fish you haven't lived till you have cold NY pizza the morning after with a cold Coke. Breakfast of champions.
  8. mapism

    mapism Senior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2008
    Messages:
    2,109
    Location:
    Sardinia
    I see your cold NY pizza and raise you a pizza served straight out of the oven at Sorbillo in Naples.
    If you think it's worth living for the former, you might as well suicide after the latter. :D
  9. NYCAP123

    NYCAP123 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2008
    Messages:
    11,205
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    :D
  10. chesapeake46

    chesapeake46 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2009
    Messages:
    1,774
    Location:
    Chesapeake Bay, Delaware Bay & S.Jersey
    Except your new fridge and oven app talk to one another as well and your data base now suggests you are running low on Durum flour, your Hot Water heater knows you've used your daily allotment of both H2O and power so, cold shower tonight ( and make it quick cause you're only allowed 1/2 gallon more today.)
    And the toaster oven is jealous of the oven and will be on strike next time you want to use it.
    Tandre and AnotherKen like this.
  11. AnotherKen

    AnotherKen Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2018
    Messages:
    83
    Location:
    Canada
    Did Captain Ralph's reply get denaughtified?
  12. AnotherKen

    AnotherKen Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2018
    Messages:
    83
    Location:
    Canada
    oops I guess I deserve that for forgetting the spelling for Marinara sauce. Marinara is surprisingly simple, I don't have the recipe in my head but I do recall making it myself and having it come out well the first time. I think even most Italians use canned stuff now because fresh tomatoes can cost a lot and it takes a bunch and several days to make a great sauce yourself. Oh, by the way if your IOT devices are fighting like that set a kid with a computer after them. If you are that hard up for water try distilled urine, it should work and your still will get very clean in the process, if a little stinky.
  13. Oscarvan

    Oscarvan Senior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2015
    Messages:
    969
    Location:
    Chesapeake Bay
    The bread maker which you haven't used since 2013 sitting in the back of a cabinet in your kitchen will make a perfect pizza dough ball in about 1 hr 20 mins with very simple ingredients.
  14. NYCAP123

    NYCAP123 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2008
    Messages:
    11,205
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    Boboli. The bread makers been gone since the 1990's.:)
  15. KoffeeCruising

    KoffeeCruising Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2018
    Messages:
    98
    Location:
    Fl
    I was a pizza cook in high school always critiqued any pizza I ate so much so when we built our house in 2011 my wife said I should get a wood fired pizza oven. It is awesome.

    dough is tipo 00 flour, water, salt
    Sauce is from a can, but fresh mozz balls and various ingredients make a tasty palette.

    takes about 90 mins of firing to get to 800°, but when it’s ready pizzas only take 2 mins or so. My signature is pear Gorgonzola walnuts and arugula

    Attached Files:

  16. chesapeake46

    chesapeake46 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2009
    Messages:
    1,774
    Location:
    Chesapeake Bay, Delaware Bay & S.Jersey
    I'll take 2.
    Can you deliver in 30 minutes or less ?
  17. AnotherKen

    AnotherKen Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2018
    Messages:
    83
    Location:
    Canada
    Maybe on island time ;)
  18. Oscarvan

    Oscarvan Senior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2015
    Messages:
    969
    Location:
    Chesapeake Bay
    No yeast?
  19. KoffeeCruising

    KoffeeCruising Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2018
    Messages:
    98
    Location:
    Fl
    Sorry/ yes/ yeast. The key is mixing for about 3 mins
    then letting rest for 7 mins. The recipe called it autolyse.... which in think means “rest a bit so the yeast can Get a head start on eating the sugars and creating a thin elastic dough.”

    and trick two: if I need a lot of dough I buy pre made dough balls from a local wood fired Pizzaria.....

    Just like some times I look at my paper charts and use ruler and protractor.... but more often I just look at the Garmin
    Oscarvan likes this.
  20. AnotherKen

    AnotherKen Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2018
    Messages:
    83
    Location:
    Canada
    That's close, it's the warmth of your hands kneading the dough that activates the yeast and also triggers the development of glutin strands. The resting period is to allow the gluten strands to relax so that you can more easily shape the dough.