Old school pranks onboard

When we have "new" guests who wish to participate in helping with the sailing tasks (rigging lines, sails, etc.) we'll often send them down to the "prop locker" once we get the sails down and are coming into port.

Time for me to fess up to the one that I got taken on.

Way back when there were apprenticeships I was given an exercise to perform along with a group of 10-15 other wet behind the ears machinist wannabes.
We were each given a chunk of broken soft steel, a square and a file. The instructor told us to turn that piece of steel in to a cube. Any talking or behaviour other than complete silence and concentration on the task at hand resulted in immediate contact between the instructor's yard stick and the closest available part of the transgressors anatomy. The rule was that if you had a question that you walk up to the front and ask the instructor very quietly your question so as not to disturb anyone else.
Over the course of the morning several guys got up, whispered a question, were given a small piece of paper then left the room and did not return.
I was making no progress on getting the piece even mildly towards square.
An hour or so after the 15 minute lunch period it finally dawned on me what the problem was.
I went up and whispered my question. I was given the small piece of paper and told to go out to the hall to read it.
On it were the words.
"It is suggested that you go to the (name of the small local tavern) where a beer that I have purchased for you is waiting. You must never again waste the time that you have been allowed today blindly trusting that your tools are in order and to the required specification"

Every square that we'd been given that day was off by a few degrees.


Even now I still can't believe that it took me that long to figure it out.

It seems like a couple of Century's ago, but when I joined the US Navy, and was assigned to my first ship all of us Newbies were sent down to the Bosun's locker to obtain a couple fathoms of Water-Line so that we could secure our workspace prior to departure.

One special prank for our department (Electronics Techs), was to send a Newbie down to the Supply Department, and ask a Storekeeper for a new Fallopian Tube for the Captain's personal radio.

When I was on active duty a lot of our equipment had magnetos, we would take a wire from the magneto to a metal pair of pliers. Lay that on a table and watch for someone to grab the pliers and then spin the magneto shocking the poor unsuspecting person. It got to point that the branch chief had to step in issue a directive no one could do it anymore. You couldn’t pick up a pair of pliers safely anywhere in the shop and repairs where being slowed while people removed the magnetos to have fun. Unfortunately for my friend Ray and me the branch chief knew we started it and we wound up with week-end duty to set an example to people why they should cease and desist. Was fun while it lasted though, can’t claim credit for the idea got if from an uncle who had done something like it as a youngster and told me about it.

Hi all,

Nice topic.

Oh, yes... marine stories...

1. Once upon a time, (when MARPOL inspections were not so rough), Chief Engineer asked an ER cadet "to oil the propeller" daily from outside.
Chief Engineer: "2 ltrs of oil, daily. But not more. Just take a small jug, go on a poop-deck and pour the oil. A propeller has to be lubricated."
Cadet (taking seriously): "But why not more than 2 ltr ?"
Chief Engineer: "Because of the SLIPPERING. The propeller will slip and the ship will not have propulsion anymore"
Within next week, the propeller was lubricated thoroughly, on a regular basis...

2. Another one:
Chief mate called deck cadet and asked him to "sharpen the spare anchor". (FYI: That anchor's weight was 12 t)
Chief Mate: "Go to the ER and ask for a proper file to do this job"
Cadet goes to ER and asks 2nd engineer to give hime a file.
2 Engineer: "Here You are. Very FINE one. Specially for the anchor".
Only after 1 hour that newbie realised a trap...



Next two are my favorite and and can be done at two places: Gibraltar passage and on roads of Copenhagen (near the airport, where aircrafts landing).

3. In Gibraltar:
Of course, all crew is "well prepared"
Chief Mate: "Hey, kid ! Take this mail-bag, run through the accomodation and ask if anyone has a letters ready."
Cadet:" ???? "
Chief Mate: "We are passing Gibraltar. Collect the crew mail, put into the bag. Then, take this red flag and go on a forecastle deck.
when You see a small mail-boat, raise your flag and ask them to approach. They will pick ou mail-bag".

Just imagine: Newbie standing in a wind, swinging with a flag and a mail-bag, shouting, and trying to grab attention of a small fishing boat...


4. On roads of Copenhagen"
Chief Engineer: "Hey, you. Take a piece of tarpaulin and cover main engine's exhaust funnel with it."
Cadet: " ????"
Chief Engineer: "Because of the sparks. If sparks come out and damage the aircraft, we'll have serious problems. You see, they are landing here."

Only when a newbie was on top of the funnel, Ch. Eng. stopped him...



P.S. Well, guys, sorry, if my English was not correct in some rows.

Best regards,

Andrei

...forgot about being sent to fetch a 4' x 2' sheet of unobtanium, and tartan paint (carry it carefully or it will mix and turn plain brown). I fell for the unobtanium sheet, but I wasnt having any of the tartan paint.

my first day working with fiberglass they gave me a styrofoam cup and told me to hurry up and get them some acetone that turned out to be a mess becouse i was pouring as fast as possible from a 5 gallon bucket.



remeber acetone + resin = 1 pissed off laminator !!!! some funny soul put acetone in the MEK.

The lime green boat

I re-gelcoated my fathers boat and put some House of Kolor green candy concentrate in the sealer. The sealer is sprayed over the final coat of gelcoat so no impurities can ruin the finish. The entire vessel was the original colors with a lime green tint. After it dried, I told him that there was something wrong with the gelcoat he purchased and he needed to consult with the manufacturing company. He came by and the show began. He was throwing his hat, cursing, and turning blood red while sweating profusely. Then I let him call the company who said that something like that was impossible. Finally, after about an hour and a half, I took a wet rag and started to wash the sealer off. Then my father tried to kill me with a smile on his face.

Good one. Here we could ask for 6mm 3/8th, 12mm 3/8th and a 12mm 1/2 and really confuse things.

Slight detour off-topic...Back in '75, our boat yard was just beginning to go over to metric. We all had those plastic or wooden folding rules, that extended to 1 metre. One side was a true metre, but an imperial yard was also printed on the reverse. Planks would be measured out and written down as eight lengths (of the rule) and say, 10 inches. The old guard wood butchers hanging on to imperial as long as possible, but still marking off at the full length of the (metric metre rule) and turning it over to measure the last little bit in imperial. Our metal monkeys on the other hand had got used to full metric some time before.
This may explain the famous event when a newly built steel deckhouse was offered onto the wooden deck of an 80 foot seine netter and instead of sitting 5" wider than the hole in the deck, carried on down, right through the hole.
Back on topic...the foreman once sent two young' uns down the pier to pump out the bilges of a dredger that had come in for some repairs. The dredger was afloat, and the two likely lads duly set up the trailer pump and started work. Several days later, the water level in the hold had not gone down at all. Two versions of events...the foremans version was that they were so thick they had been pumping sea water out of the hold that had its bottom doors open, instead of the actual bilges, for four days thus just pumping the sea back into the sea....the apprentices version was that they were pumping water from exactly the place the foreman had told them to.

I've been using metric crescent wrenches since about 1965.

jsi

Zero points for originality. Bonus points for location

I've seen this prank pulled a few times, but it is usually in the middle of nowhere while at sea.
We recently pulled into Rybovich mid-day in order to make use of their "Radar Calibration Field". Let's just say that we were able to draw a crowd.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lVkCI91eFM

Fantastic video.

Poor Johnson, getting taken in like that. Did he actually buy it, or was he just playing along? Looks like fun was had by all

--------------------

We used to send the new guys to the engine room for an MM or BT punch.

I got sent for a bucket of steam within the first week of being on the ship. I just brought back a bucket of water. Chief asked where the steam was, and I just simply told him to make it himself. Everyone got a good laugh out of that.

LOL!!! These are all great!
Back in the boat building days, i got asked to go get the "snatch buster 2000".... thinking it was a vacuum cleaner... never found it

Another good one for the newbie on lunch break is to tell him to go and get a "randy/horney tart" from the bakery.

Far

Good Vintage

Okay, since we moved from boats to planes, how about a young guy gets his first job working in a newly opened "EXCLUSIVE" night club restaurant in one of Africa's largest cities.
A well known identity who also happened to be a first class a'hole who always complained about the service, food or wine, makes his usual Saturday night entrance with a beautiful girl on his arm. We will call him Mr. Dick!
They order their meals and as always, Mr. Dick finds fault and sends the steak back as not cooked properly, then...
He orders Chauteau Neuf du Pape, has a taste and sends it back, as it is "corked!!", NO IT IS NOT, but he is impressing the lady.
So now the young man who is new to the job of running the restaurant, has enough of this arrogant a'hole.
So he takes a new bottle of vintage wine out to him and AGAIN is sent back with Mr. Dick Yelling
"IDIOT! I ordered a 1971, not a '74!!!!..."
This time the young guy goes behing the service bar, empties some of the wine out the bottle, has a decent PISS in it, recorks it carefully and goes back out.
With great flourish, he pours a glass out for Mr. Dick...
He takes a DEEP drink, SPITS it out and yells, "My GOD...this is PISS!"
The young manager, smiling says, "Oh Yes Sir, BUT WHAT YEAR!!"

This is not, a newbie story, but it is a boat and water story. I was a navy seaman in 1966. We were "transit personal", enroute to a naval, and on island operation. I was boat coxswain, with my small craft aboard. Officer-in-Charge, with "Boats" wanted us to be working daily with Ships Company. I was assigned to Deck department. We were "swabbing decks" one morning. Mess Deck crew brought garbage to fantail, and "overboard" it. There was some blocks of dry-ice. I took some and put in pail (swap bucket). I eagerly awaited "Boats to show-up. I knew he would be coming around to check-up on me!! I waited for him to be close enough to see me clearly, but nor too far away to not recognize me, --I brought the swab-bucket, that was just frothing enough to appear as it was steam. "Boats stopped dead in his tracks, standing there holding that darn coffee cup of his, and initially stared in disbelief. Then very quickly in disgust! He screamed. "What the **** do you think you are doing, by swabbing my deck, with hot water"!!!! Immediately, after figuring what was going on, he picked-up both swab and bucket, with the dry-ice, and threw it as hard as he could---OVER-BOARD, from the fantail!!!!! He said to me. "Come with me. I'm giving you a womans tool, because you can't handle a sailors tool!! He put me in the Ships laundry room, until we reached the island, for operations!! Boats, was NOT a happy man!! And I was, "on his list". Dan

Was celebrating with my granddad yesterday, he went through the War and spent over a half of his life with russian "VVS" e.g. air force, first as a bomber pilot and then up to a chief engineer of whole division, colonel.
I knew I would dig something for this thread from him )) Onboard the air ships!

First and foremost, was surprised how many of these pranks are international. For example, he said they already knew the "radar calibrating" on airfields back in 50's. Oh, and the foil variant is a "good" one. Imagine getting several (!) soldiers to carry around an empty engine nacelle (still quite a hefty chunk of metal) or something like that "because only that is sufficently large to be seen on radar".

A bucket of prop wash is quite a linguistic joke, but they had a very similliar one: a bucket of compression. Engine won't go without it, ya know)! And the most overused, according to him, was the "sparks" idea. As in, engineer working with engine:
"Hey, it's missing sparks sometimes, go fetch me two odd sparks and three even ones from the warehouse".

Another godawful joke they perpetuated on new guys was like that, "Hey, go to the warehouse and fetch me a prop for this!" (Airplane's props are lighter then ship's, but still, talking of bombers, it's not something one can "fetch" without at least several big men working on it)
When a soldier would return requesting permission for some assistance (e.g. call more guys or get some vehicle), an engineer will loudly make fun of him and tell to "watch and learn". Then the engineer himself will make his way to the warehouse, ask keeper for a prop, load it on his shoulder and lead the way back to service area (usually throwing something like "take the second one, weak lazy butt" back at soldier).

Ave and terror ensues as soldier realizes he still cannot as much as move the thing, yet here is an engineer right before him who happily carries the prop on his shoulder.

(Obviously, that is a very special model prop made from painted light wooden planks, but hey, it looks the same! )

And then, the "explanations". Generally speaking, they had two types of explanations: what is told to direct superiors and/or specialists who really understand stuff and are interested more in setting it right, and what is told to political supervisors, inspections, high-up officers and other clueless brass who care for it to sound smart and to, as we have a russian saying, "punish the not guilty and decorate the not privy"
The latter king of expanations tended to be all known to the "real working" personnel. Some of those are real nice:

"The engine wouldn't run because the spark got lost in the loess-doll".
"The wing is slightly bent because it seriously scratched the cloud, but pilot skillfully and heroically landed and saved the plane"
"The training bombing runs were a little off today because some of those new bombing scopes are still calibrated for Berlin, and we were recalibrating these" (that's in late 40's, near Moscow, freefall bombs obviously ))
"The lights are blinking somewhat because they are powered off an alternating current and that's how it works: impulse then nothing, impulse then nothing" (My granddad said he actually had a division's political supervisor requesting him to "straighten it". Doubt you can get anyone on this one nowadays... tho with widespread disrespect to school classes, worth nothing to keep trying )
"In this dire situation, the crew resorted to using the compass" (This one is not very obvious, so here's the trick: we're talking about those "stabilized by floating in liquid" compasses. The liquid? 98% spirit.)

I'll be sure to ponder for more ))