[YachtForums]

The following is supposedly a documented conversation between the USS Lincoln and a Canadian "vessel"....

Canadian: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a us navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert your course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, I say again, that's one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

[YachtForums]

A doctor, a dentist and an attorney were in a boat together when a wave came along and washed them all overboard. Unable to get back into the boat, they decided two would hold on to the boat and the third would swim to shore for help.

They noticed that there were hundreds of sharks between them and land. Without a word the lawyer took off! As he swam the sharks move aside. The dentist yelled, "it's a miracle!"

"No", said the doctor, "That's professional courtesy!"

[catmando]

Originally Posted by YachtForums

A doctor, a dentist and an attorney were in a boat together when a wave came along and washed them all overboard. Unable to get back into the boat, they decided two would hold on to the boat and the third would swim to shore for help.

They noticed that there were hundreds of sharks between them and land. Without a word the lawyer took off! As he swam the sharks move aside. The dentist yelled, "it's a miracle!"

"No", said the doctor, "That's professional courtesy!"

[YachtForums]

This is totally unrelated to yachting, but then again... I know a number of yacht owners that can relate to this.

The International Sign for Marriage...

[AMG]

I heard this little story first today and found it pretty good...

"Painting job"

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[orion]

Wrong name could make some trouble....

[jediwhite]

I saw a motor yacht in Newport a couple of years ago and when I asked how it got its name, was told that the owner asked his wife what she wanted for her birthday. It was called 'Pearl Necklace'
Unfortunately he probably did not understand that saying has another meaning in the rest of the world outside the US !!!

[schnibbelfitz]

Excuse my ignorance, but was does that mean outside of the US??

[Kevin]

LOL... double entendre...

[orion]

Yes, as you told us we build it with a V-hull.....

[YachtForums]

That's hilarious!!!

[Ben]

Originally Posted by orion

Yes, as you told us we build it with a V-hull.....

What the heck does that do vessel do?????

[Kevin]

Oil spill cleanup if I remember correctly...

[YachtForums]

I've heard of oil IN the bilge... but BETWEEN the bilges??? That's a new twist, or should I say... swivel?

Good post Orion!

[AMG]

OK, since it is Friday night I´ll add another child-safe Blond Story;

Redhead

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor´s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You´re not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no" she says, "I´m actually a blonde."

"I thought so" the doctor says.

"Your finger is broken".