[FISHTIGUA]

I'm going out with a Pornstar.













Do you think she'll be pissed when I tell her?

[NYCAP123]

Naughty, naughty.

[brian eiland]

I finally got around to goin' fishin' this morning but after a while I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting' bit. I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishin' with the frog as bait.

A little later I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same **** snake with two frogs in his mouth .

[brian eiland]

Career Choices for a Preacher's Son


An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting close to the time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.



Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bible
2. A silver dollar
3. A bottle of whiskey
4. A Playboy magazine.

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.



If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!



If he picks up the silver dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too.



But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.



And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on he table.

With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He then uncorked the bottle and took a big swig, while he admired this month's centerfold.

"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered, "He's gonna run for Congress."

[FISHTIGUA]

A buddy of mine has been posted to Switzerland for the last 2 years. He has recently married a local girl.

"Whats she like?"

"Oh, utterly amazing. With one hand she can cook breakfast, the other makes the bed. One foot can be vacuuming while the other paints."

"What do you call her?"

"The Swiss Army Wife."

[Kevin]

So, a piece of rope walks into a bar.

Bartender says "We don't serve pieces of rope around here."

The rope goes outside, messes up his hair, twists himself around and walks back into the bar.

Bartender says "Aren't you that same piece of rope?"

The string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot."